Shades of Me
by Herana
Summary: One hundred theme challenge. Shepard-centric. Promises of AU, and non AU.  "Human, Shepard. You're only human."
1. 080: Only Human

Shades of Me

Only Human

She didn't have to be perfect. People may have expected that of her, but she knew she didn't have to be. Sometimes she felt the need to maintain a certain image, but she was okay with being privately normal. Off the cameras, and off the field, she was a normal (ish) person. It wasn't like she went around looking for trouble. It just came. The only thing about her position that bothered her was what happened when she messed up. People died. It happened, and it hurt, but it was manageable. But when people knew she messed up- when there had been some other choice she'd disregarded- they acted like she was supposed to be perfect. Like they expected her to constantly maintain her good record.

She took it harder when the people around her blamed her. She knew that her ground team wouldn't blame her. What was left of them, anyways. God... Ashley. Ash... Her bottle tipped again.

"Shepard?"

Shepard didn't know who it was. It really didn't matter. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone about anything. Violence was bound to arise if they continued to beat on the door like they door suddenly open and a familiar blue figure came in.

"Whaddya want V'karian?" Shepard slurred.

"Commander." He said. It wasn't really an answer to her question, but she assumed it was getting there. He shifted uncomfortably. "Commander. You..."

"Spit it out." She said.

"You did what you could."

"I know that. I know that better than anyone. That doesn't make it any easier, 'specially with Alenko tellin' me every few seconds. _I know_." She said.

"Say that to my face." He challenged. He picked her up gruffly by the collar. Whatever glass bottle that was in her hand clattered to the floor. Her weight seemed alien on her own feet. She'd been on the floor so long.

"I need you to say it, Shepard."

"I messed up. I killed Ashley. Okay? I did it. Me. I picked Kaiden, and now all he can do is yell at me for it." She said, putting her hand on his wrist.

"Shepard." Garrus said harshly, letting Shepard know this wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Ash is dead. And there was nothing I could do because...because I'm..." Shepard wasn't sure what he thought she was going to say. She was running through a list ranging from inadequate all the way to sickly satisified. But Garrus surprised her by saying his very first human idiom;

"Human, Shepard. You're only human."

* * *

A/N: First attempt at a one hundred theme challenge. Going to need a lot of help on this one. Thinking about getting/asking for a Beta.


	2. 061: Accuracy

Shades of Me

61

Accuracy

People had made fun of her in basic. They thought she should be focusing more on bigger weapons such as shotguns or assault rifles. Shotguns had bad mental connections and assault rifles were too wasteful in their shots. She wasn't any good as a sniper- though she'd been told there was promise- and to be honest, she didn't care for any other weapons. People argued that their weapons only had to hit once. She generally ignored those people, of course, but there were times when she really felt like showing them up.

"Alright. Shoot all you want. First one with ten chest shots wins." Shepard sighed.

"Easy." The man said.

Shepard turned back to the firing range with a smile. Sure, there was always the possibility that she would lose, but it was a very small possibility. She'd been training for a while.

As soon as the bell sounded, shots began echoing. She waited a few shots before taking her own. The human-shaped paper targets had been moving around rather slowly. It only took Shepard seven shots. Good thing for cross overs.

The simulation ended and the scores were tallied. Her opponents papers had a few holes, but there were three whole papers without a single scratch on them.

"And that, my friends, is why I use a pistol. Not a single wasted shot. Only used seven. Tell me that's better than your assault rifle." Shepard teased.

The man grumbled and said something about rematch.

Shepard laughed and accepted any challenge thrown her away. She was fairly certain she'd be able to pass it. Faster than any sniper, more shots than shotguns, and most certainly more accurate than any assault rifle.

A/N: Short, I guess. Any good?


	3. 020: My Inspiration

Shades of Me

20

My Inspiration

"You're always complaining about art, Garrus." Shepard says, eating another french fry.

"Because, it seems so pointless. We're supposed to be getting a new thing today, but I doubt I'll like it."

"I'm sure you won't." She agreed.

"The stupid teacher says it's because I lack inspiration." He grumbled. Garrus and the teacher had never really gotten along. Neither had the previous teacher and Garrus. Or any of the teachers and Garrus. Garrus was just generally a rule breaker. Teachers didn't like that. But Shepard kept him out of trouble most of the time. He really only answered to her. They were the best of friends, and along with Tali, Liara and Wrex, they made up one clique. Kaiden had once been a part of it. But when Shepard's relationship with him had failed... well, he went on to bigger and better things.

"Maybe you do."

"What if you're doing nudes?" Wrex asked. This brought laughter from Garrus and Shepard. Liara and Tali blushed like the little dainty girls they were.

"That'll be the day." Garrus snorted.

Shepard stood up, her arms poised in a theatrical way, "You may now focus all of your attentions on me." The cafeteria quieted and Shepard continued, "You can freely stare, and I won't take it personally."

"Alright, alright, sit down Shepard." Garrus tugged her down and she plopped down in her seat. The cafeteria went back to its humdrum noise of activity while the table broke down in even more laughter. The nasally bell let out a ring and everyone ran to their classes.

…

The group reconvened the next day at lunch. Conversation continued as normal, until Shepard suddenly remembered, "Hey, Garrus. What'd the assignment turn out to be?"

Garrus was silently chewing his food. He didn't answer her for a few moments, letting her assume what she wanted from his expression. Shepard mouthed the word '_nude_' with a quizzical look on her face. Garrus forced himself to stay straight-faced for a few more seconds. The girl's eyes widened.

"Garrus? Seriously?"

Garrus started laughing, "No. But you're face was too funny."

"Damn." Wrex said.

"But, I'm not going to tell you." Garrus continued.

"Why not?" Shepard pouted.

"Because. It will spoil the surprise. You'll have to come to the art show."

"Great." Shepard said. She started poking her food with the spork. Eating seemed less interesting suddenly. Everyone noted Shepard's change in mood- for no significant reason- and tried to make up for it. It took a while for Shepard to realize the dark could she was bringing on the group. She snapped herself out of it after the table had gone awkwardly silent.

…

For a moment, Garrus was unsure what she was thinking. Her face was unreadable, her body language mute. He looked back at his latest work then back at her.

"It's... Garrus... I..."

"Do you like it?" He gulped.

"Garrus, I love it!" She jumped up, hugged her arms around his neck.

The picture was an old one of them, from before she moved. They were leaning their foreheads on each other, side by side. She'd recognized it instantly. She used to think the picture had been lost.

"The idea was importance." Garrus said awkwardly.

Shepard looked back at it, looking for his title and signature. She found his name in the corner, but didn't find a picture name anywhere. "What is it called?"

Garrus cleared his throat, "I couldn't think of one, so I just called it 'Her'."

"Garrus... it's beautiful."

"I thought so."

"You seemed rather enthusiastic about all of this. Why the secrecy?" Shepard asked.

Without looking at her he said, "I found my inspiration."


	4. 042: Start

Shades of Me

42

Start

Shepard stared at her foster parents. They hadn't known each other long, but she still felt comfortable enough around them to be angry with them. They'd given her her first car, and they'd taught her to drive, but now she was in some other place that she didn't know. She had every reason to be angry with them.

Shepard threw her bag into the passenger seat of her old truck. The engine stalled for a few seconds before starting. Realizing she didn't have long before she'd have to start again, Shepard left her house and headed in the direction she'd been told.

It'd only been about ten minutes until her truck died. The times had been getting shorter and shorter. She wondered if her truck was pregnant and the contractions were getting longer and closer in between them. Shepard doubted it. The school was visible from where she'd stopped, so she could walk it, but she really didn't want to leave her truck.

Deciding it was best to take a look at the problem- though she was more likely to cause harm than to fix anything- she popped open the hood. The sizzling and smoke scared her, and she jumped back immediately.

Another car was passing her as this was happening, and it pulled over behind her back. She turned apologetically as two boys got out. One of them had brown eyes and black hair, and was muscled to boot. The other was taller, thinner, but still muscled. Shepard mentally cursed herself for looking like such a girl.

"Need some help?" The shorter one asked.

"Know anything about broken down old trucks?" She asked with a smile, already getting out of their way. The boys seemed to go straight to work. Soon enough, the smoke stopped.

"Want to try and start it up?"

Shepard didn't hesitate to do so. The truck sounded better than when she had received it. Compared to the first time she'd used it, it was singing.

"Wow, thank you guys so much."

"No problem. My name's Alenko. Kaiden Alenko." The shorter boy offered his hand. She shook it with a smile and waited for the other to introduce himself.

"Garrus." He said.

"Shepard." She replied, shaking his hand. Her watch was suddenly visible, "Oh, man. I made you guys late."

"Eh, we were late anyways." Garrus shrugged.

Shepard covered her mouth with her hand. At least she wasn't the only one who didn't care for time constraints.

"Do you know where to go from here?" Kaiden asked.

"Ahm.. that way? Specifically, no. But that's it there, right?" She pointed behind the two of them. Kaiden nodded and smiled.

"Hey, Garrus, take my car. I'll show her where to park." Kaiden tossed his keys. They landed in Garrus' hands with a metallic cling.

"What's Ashley gonna say when I pull in and tell her you're helpin' out the new girl?"

Kaiden sighed, held up his hands for Garrus to toss the keys back. "Guess you're right."

"Usually am." Garrus crawled into Shepard's truck. It made Shepard a bit self conscious. At least she had cleaned the truck out yesterday.

"Thanks again." She said.

Kaiden hopped in his car and drove off. Garrus pointed her in the direction she'd been previously been going. They made easy conversation, and Garrus established that she was to sit with them during lunch. She figured that, though late, this was a good way to start off a new life.


	5. 039: Out of Time

Shades of Me

039

Out of Time

Gordon street. He _had_ to find Gordon street, and he had to do it _fast_. There wasn't any time at all. He was already four years too late. A few more seconds and things could all be over. It wasn't right, and it'd taken him too long to get things right in his head. He'd been quiet for too long, and now was his very last chance. He just had to... find that-there! The church with thirty billion steps and a huge wooden door.

His car rammed into a parking meter. He was sure there would be a ticket when he got back, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered right now. Kind of like when he got the invitation.

…

It'd been a long day at work. She'd been on his mind all day. He'd seen her name on an envelope this morning. He didn't open it. He couldn't. He was afraid of what was inside the white, flowery, engraved envelope. God, he couldn't do it.

Two days later, he couldn't even remember what time he was supposed to go to work. All he could think about was the several things that could possibly be in her mail. But, somehow, he knew. He knew it was an invitation. He hoped it was for Ashley. He wished it was for Ashley, or Tali, or anyone but her. She was the only one with his address, and maybe she'd... maybe she'd sent it. But he knew. It'd been four years since they'd parted, so he knew. It didn't make it all the way out of the envelope. The seal was broken. After reading the first sentence, so did his heart. Or maybe soul. Something broke, definitely. He almost threw it in the trash. Instead, he put it on the fridge. Low down where he...would see it every time he bent down to get a drink to forget it.

The date was in a month. He intended to be busy that day. So terribly busy that he couldn't make it. He'd send a gift. A toaster or something. That's what you sent married people, right? Things like blenders and waffle irons. Things they would only occasionally need that would otherwise occupy space and annoy the crap out of the husband. Oh, yes. Definitely the largest semi-useful household appliance he could think of. It was the least he could do.

Two days before the wedding, he decided he was going to go. It was the right thing to do. They'd been best friends right up until four years ago. He owed it to her. Maybe. She did pick the other guy. Of course, she'd never known about it, but... still. In any event, he went to the right state.

The day before, he talked himself out of it. He didn't think he was going to be able to handle it. He might not have been able to hold himself back from the objection line. Oh yeah, he had an objection. He was in love with the bride, and he'd been away for four years so he didn't have to think about it. _Even-though-he-_had_-every-second-of-every-day_. He'd just been pretending. Going to her wedding really wasn't going to make things easier.

Over the next twelve hours- now two and a half hours left- he'd decided to go, then decided not to seven times over. He could come up with thousands of reasons to go, then a thousand and one reasons not to go. It was really painful. So many memories mucking up his mind. It was bad, especially since he finally decided to go. It was the letter he'd found at the bottom of the envelope. Short, sweet. Just like her.

"_I don't really expect you to come. I haven't heard from you in... a while. I thought it would be.. I just wanted to let you know. If you don't come, __don't__ send me a freaking toaster. I know you. It's not funny. I'll send it back and keep the receipt so you can't take it back. With love and laughter, Shepard._"

Could she be any less perfect? Why did she have to make it so damn hard to say no? She didn't do it on purpose. That's why it worked so great, her little scam. She just had this way about her. No need to explain it. People who knew her understood. He could just imagine the look on her face when he moseyed on in there, hands in his pockets, trying to be invisible. He could do that. He could pretend he didn't want to take her away.

Right?

With a groan, he threw down his tux. There was not way he could convince himself of that. She would see through him in a New York minute. He couldn't do it. Couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't.

Thirty minutes before the wedding, he yanked on his dress suit and grabbed his car keys. It was too important to pass up. He had to make himself known, and he had to see her. Because afterward, he wasn't going to be able to say a word about it. Not going was giving up. Best friends didn't quit on each other.

…

The church doors were locked. He shook them with all his might, but they didn't move. They just made that annoying sound locked doors made when you were in a hurry and forgot your keys inside the door. There wasn't another visible door anywhere. He pressed his ear against the door. He could hear a bible passage. He only knew it was a bible passage because she'd read it to him before. It was her favorite. The objections were next... How was he supposed to... After all he'd been through, he'd made it here to be locked outside. His fingers ran through his hair. He'd started pacing. Outside, outside. She was inside. He needed inside. She was four years and eighteen feet away from him. And he couldn't reach her. There had to be something.

His gun. It was in the car. He started running, faster than he had. There wasn't time to play around. The door fought with him, the impact from the pole must've jilted the henges. Eventually, it opened. He broke his glove compartment cover by pulling it too hard, but, hey, he was going to need a new car anyways.

He'd made it back up to the church within another three minutes, surely nothing had happened. Maybe he missed his mark- the objection bit- but that was okay. She would understand. But the door opened, and a white dress was staring him in the face. The dress was beautiful, and he knew the woman inside of it was probably going to put it to shame. He was afraid to look up. If he did, he would have to admit that he was here.

"Planning on shooting up my wedding?" She asked. She didn't seem too concerned about it, albeit curious.

"Door was locked. Couldn't get inside fast enough." He choked a laugh. It didn't hurt as bad as actually standing in front of her.

"Ah. You could've knocked."

He froze. It didn't occur to him that there were other people on the other side that would have heard a knock. He had pulled on the door. No one answered _that_. In his defense, his brain was only focusing on getting to her, not the other seventy people inside. They hadn't existed in his mind until just now.

"I, uhm, I brought candles.."

Shepard began stepping toward him with a weak smile. He took a step back for every step she took. They continued this until he was pressed up against his car.

"Why're you late?" She asked.

"I wasn't... I didn't..." He couldn't find words now. He'd had a whole speech ready, but now he was just full of mush, as he always was, "Shepard, I didn't want to see you get married. At least, not if it wasn't to me. Coming was a last minute decision."

"You're a little late, aren't you?"

He blinked back emotion, fighting himself, and nodded. Four years, three inches. And it was too far.

* * *

A/N: Alright, so there's going to be a sequel. I started typing this and kept going. And, yes, I purposefully left out 'his' name. It's all part of a scheme to make you keep reading.

The Gordon street thing is from Busted's "Crashed the Wedding"

…

It seemed appropriate.

I dun own it.


	6. 016: Excuses

Shades of Me

016

Excuses

He'd actually proposed two years ago. She'd sent an email out, but she'd never received anything back. It was hard, because she didn't want to upset her (ex...) best friend. But she really needed to talk to someone. And Tali and Miranda just didn't cut it. They weren't as close. So she kept it a secret. Because, to be honest, she wasn't sure what she wanted. Even when they'd started dating, she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Sure, she loved him, but it was just... it was weird. Like dating her brother. If she had one, anyways. It didn't change the fact that it was a little awkward.

She managed to stretch it out for almost a year and half. Couldn't this month because of work. Couldn't next month because of too many other weddings. Couldn't do it in four months because it was too hot where he wanted it. Couldn't do it in six months because he had a conference for two weeks. Couldn't after the conference, she had a seminar to give. Their lives were just too _busy_ to get married. He noticed, of course, that she was delaying. So he asked her to move in. She agreed, if only to forestall the inevitable. She was going to be forced to marry him because that's what people expected. But she kept coming up with reasons not to.

A year and a half later, he decided that it was now or never. When he'd demanded to see her plans for the wedding, she'd been less than empty handed. At first he was angry, he demanded to know why. When she couldn't give him any reason, he made up his own. She had a fear of commitment and a fear of placing her trust in him. Well, she hadn't been aware of it, but there it was. She decided to run with it. Yes, she was afraid of trusting someone she'd spent four years of her life with. It at least bought her another month or so, as they sat and discussed her newly found fears.

But, after that, it was too late. He'd told her friends, and for a moment, he'd been mad that they hadn't known. That was quickly forgotten, as her friends carried her off, swept up in a sea of feminine excitement Shepard wasn't really part of. Her heart wasn't really in the preparations. Mostly, she just agreed to whatever her friends suggested. Yes, that cake is pretty. Yeah, I like those decorations. It wasn't really until she was checking herself, once again, in a beautiful dress that she realized- her friends had been expediting her marriage to a man she didn't love. Yes! That was it. She didn't love him. She never really had been in love. Not with him. She went home that night and had another realization.

The dress had been bought. Her wedding was the following day. She was going to be married, because she was too stubborn to do anything else.

…

"You really don't want to do this, do you?" he asked from the other side of the door.

"Of course." She said. Shepard knew she sounded fake. It wasn't intentional, and he would probably just take it as nerves.

"You don't... He's not here." He said quietly. He knew this would be the only thing to keep her from getting married today. Because whether or not she wanted to, she was going to get married today because she promised. But this was one thing that would keep her from it.

"I... didn't expect him to."

"Shepard, I'm not going to make you do this."

"Foolishness." She laughed, though she was really crying. Her tears seemed hysterical to her, though she knew he couldn't hear. Not even in her voice did she betray the hot liquid streaming down her cheeks, ruining her makeup that Miranda had spent hours working on.

"If you're...sure." He cleared his throat.

"Thanks." She sighed.

"See you soon." He said, a smile obvious in his tone.

"Yeah." she said glumly. This was too real. Too wrong. Too much. Too long. And there weren't any coherent reasons not to marry him.

…

If Shepard had ever regretted pride, it was then. She had every right to be proud, but there was a point where it had to stop. She knew that marrying this man was pointless. It would end in divorce because... she hated him. Yes. This day, she'd gone from simply not loving him to hating him. He should have been able to see, he should have been able to tell that she didn't want to marry him. They both knew she hadn't wanted to before he'd even asked. And he was the one who kept pushing her into this. He'd tried to give her an out, but he hadn't been serious. He'd taken advantage of her pride. But of course, she was also to blame, but she wasn't going to admit that yet.

The holy man was reading her favorite scripture. She had hoped that it would calm her, give her that final moment of clarity before it was too late. For a few moments it did. Then there was a small movement in the back of the church, probably no more than the wind blowing on the door. But that movement caused her to look at the crowd of people she didn't know. There was only one, solitary seat in the building that hadn't been filled. It had a reserved sign, reserved for her best friend. And it was empty. Her eyes welled up and she heard herself whisper, "I can't do this."

The man across from her was the only one who seemed to notice. The priest kept talking. She couldn't do this, not without _him_ here. "I can't. Stop, I can't do this." She said louder. It was still quiet, but her voice carried and the crowd gasped. She stopped caring about what everyone wanted, what was supposed to happen because she'd been in a relationship for a while. It was about her. It was about him. And not the man across from her. She wasn't meant to be with that man, and they both knew it.

"I'm sorry." She said. She dropped the horrid flowers she'd been holding, stepped over them (hopefully crushing the gaudy things into the carpet) and headed down the row. Everyone watched with accusing, disappointed eyes. The doors opened, and she forgot what had been going on inside.

Instead, she was focused on a very stressed young man who had been headed up to the church doors, a small handgun in his hands. Seeing his face sent several emotions through her, but most of, she was just glad to see him. She tried to make a conversation with him, drag them both to their current situation, but neither one wanted to admit what the past four years had really been about. They both tried to make light conversation, but their hearts weren't in it. Shepard wanted to be the first to swallow her already-abandoned pride. She wasn't. All she could do was respond with however much of the truth her voice would allow.

"I missed you. I missed you every day, and I couldn't marry him because... because it was always you. I kept coming up with reasons why I couldn't marry him. Why I couldn't do it one month or another. And now... I found the biggest one of all. Garrus, it was you."


	7. 059: Challenged

Shades of Me

59

Challenged

She had mastered adaptability. She'd stayed on top of things. Shepard was good at what she did because of that. She'd had the latest weapons, the latest armor, the latest everything. She wasn't sure how she'd afforded it for all of them, but she had. Hunting down Saren had been lucrative in it's own right. In another life, she might have made a great pirate. But it was too late for that. She was already on the straight and narrow, and there wasn't anything she could do to change it. But now... now she wasn't anything. She knew that as she stared at her pistol.

It was so different. Ammo clips were nothing new, but not having to worry about overheating, just running out of shots... it was bizarre. Only _three hours ago_, her pistol had had unlimited shots, and it got hot. Now, now she was... she didn't know anything. But this was workable. This could be learned.

Her armor was the same way. Surely this was a good thing. It was stronger now. She hadn't really had time to test it to it's full abilities, but she knew how many shots her old armor could take. It looked the same, almost. It wasn't enough to make her comfortable.

As soon as she was left to her own devices, she began studying. She'd started with Garrus and Kaiden, and then moved on to her other crew members. The search turned up less than the Illusive Man had given her, but she hadn't expected much. Then she started looking for a human time line. The past two years seemed insignificant to the rest of the galaxy. There wasn't much there. It seemed so silly, that such a short time so much changed. And she'd missed it all.

So many good movies, political movements, disasters... so much.

Shepard knew this was probably enough reason for anyone to take some time off. But she wasn't just anyone. She didn't have time to take off. She was already alive on borrowed heart beats. It didn't feel fair. Hadn't she earned her rest? Apparently not. She had come back, missing a grand total of two years of knowledge, and she had a job. It was just something else she would have to overcome. One more thing she had to work on.

Shepard was a master of adaptability. She could do it again. She just had to work harder.


	8. 035: Forgotten

Shades of Me

35

Forgotten

Hollow wasn't even the right word. I never liked being famous, I didn't. But it was an odd feeling to walk through the citadel and have absolutely _no one_ know I was. I even spotted some of my current crew, whose eyes passed me over as if they hadn't even seen me. I was trying to enjoy it. No fans, no on the spot interviews. There was just this empty spot I couldn't place my finger on. It was on the tip of my tongue. I knew why it bothered me, but it just wasn't coming out.

As I passed a small board with the label 'holiday' on it, something jumped out at me. I saw the "Battle of the Citadel" with the star date on it. It was in a few days. Three years since then, already? I tapped on the heading and a small description came on screen. I could tell you that I wasn't searching for my name, wasn't searching for some verification of me, in that little box of words, but I would be lying. My name wasn't anywhere to be found. There was a list of ships that had been lost, even a soldier registry, but my name wasn't there. It was about then I began to panic.

I went to the nearest 'net terminal, and typed in my name. I expected pictures, lists upon lists of things about me, but there was next to nothing. The first one was about conspiracies, the second about my impeccable record of ticking off authorities, but there wasn't anything beyond that. No pictures, no nothing. Breath was coming in little gasps now. It felt like I had worked so hard, and the entire galaxy was denying my entire existence. Surely there had to be some mistake. But I knew better. I wasn't stupid. I knew I hadn't really made any friends on the council. Councilor Anderson only had so much power with the other three members. I didn't think I'd made such enemies though. Would they go through so much trouble to convince the public the bad-scaries that I kept telling them about weren't actually coming?

I went back to the Normandy, full panic mode, and headed straight up to my room. I was glad Kelly was gone. She would have asked questions. I wasn't in the mood to answer anything. I needed answers myself.

"EDI, I want you to do a search for me." I said as soon as I was in my room.

"Query, commander?" The monotonous voice said. Sometimes she had...almost emotions, but I was constantly reminded that she wasn't real. She didn't have emotions. She didn't care one way or another.

"Me. I want you to find everything you can about me. Bring it all up on my terminal."

"Searching." EDI said. I waited for a few seconds. There were a few more links, but they all seemed to say the same thing. I was a ghost, a figurehead. The human's bone from the council. I could have searched five years ago and found more about me than this. It seemed surreal. Nobody knew me. Not anymore. Not like they used to.

If I stirred up some trouble... hah, that would be the day. Back from the freakin' dead, council. How do you like me now? But I had been, and always would be, too much of a good girl to get in trouble on purpose. I would always do the right thing. I might be fading into the past, like the Reapers, like the Geth, but I was going to do with honor. If I happened to save the universe again, so be it. If not, at least I died trying.

"Shepard, mister Vakarian is requesting to know your location. Should I inform him?" EDI chimed in, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Does he need something?" I wondered. For a moment, EDI's globe didn't say anything.

"He has said that he needed to make sure you are still here."

I wiped my eyes, though there were no tears, "Just tell him I'm still here. Thank you EDI."

"Logging you out, commander."

At least I hadn't been totally forgotten. At least, not for the moment.


	9. 027: Lost and Found

Shades of Me

27

Lost and Found

He pulled up his coat around his ears and nose. As he entered the building he shook off the snow. His feet stamped and he smiled at the warmth. The reception desk was empty. His blue scarf (something he regretted wearing, even if he was really warm) was began to feel tight. He unwrapped it and discarded it on the chair. He rang the bell lightly.

"Hold on!" came from the back room. Several barks accompanied this. Then there was a human squeak, and the scraping of hurried puppy feet on concrete.

"Uh, is-" but before Garrus could finish his question, a small dog was out and running. He knelt and caught it, before it could reach the door. It was wet, and there were bubbles. A young woman came out, her hands covered in suds. Her hair was tied behind her head, and her eyes were lightened with laughter.

"Thanks. He doesn't much like baths." She took the puppy back, "I'll be right out. I'm just going to rinse him off and stick him under the dryer."

Garrus smiled and let her go. He spent his time flipping through a catalog. There were a lot of pups, kittens, and other baby animals. He wasn't really interested in having to train a new animal.

"Sorry about that. What can I do ya for?" She wiped her hands on her pants before offering him a shake.

"I'm looking for a dog. Probably older.. something...sturdy." He said. His hands were back in his pockets.

"Sure. Come with me."

She led him into the back. Her fingers trailed the chain fences. Tongues went out to lick her. She seemed so at ease among all of the barking dogs. They made him twitch a little. He kept up with her silently. They passed several cages with good looking dogs, and Garrus wanted to stop and take a look. He didn't say anything though, she seemed to have someone in mind.

She opened the last cage on the row. He knelt as quickly as she did. The dog was golden brown, and she had brown eyes. She touched the young woman with her nose, but continued on to Garrus.

"She's a sweetheart." Garrus said. He petted her ears and her sides. The dogs just leaned into his attentions, occasionally moving to get him to scratch a certain area.

"Yeah. Her name's Sheba. She used to be a service dog, but she had to be relocated during Katrina." The woman said. She adjusted her pony tail while Garrus continued playing with the dog.

"There are some other ones, but I really wanted you to meet her."

Garrus smiled, "She's perfect, really."

The girl let out a sigh of relief, "Really?"

"Yeah. I'll take her home."

The girl hugged him, "Thank you, thank you!"

Garrus wasn't sure what to do.

"She was scheduled to be euthanized tomorrow. And I can't have any dogs. I've been praying someone would take her."

They walked to the front. Sheba followed them, placing her head under Garrus' hand.

"I'll need to see ID." She said.

He reached into his coat and came around front. He showed her his wallet, and she began filling out the forms. Garrus watched her work. Her hair kept coming loose, and she put on glasses to focus on the computer. It made her look a lot older.

"So, mister Vakarian, would you like to rename the dog?"

"No, her name is fine. Sheba. I like it."

She typed it in. A few more things were entered in and she printed it.

"I never caught your name." He said.

"Me? Shepard."

"No last name?"

"That is my last name." She smiled.

"First name?"

"Hah, dinner first, mister Vakarian." She handed him his papers. He signed where she motioned.

"When do you get off?"

"Beg pardon?" She said quickly.

"You said you'd tell me your first name if we went to dinner. It's already after five." he shrugged. She rolled her eyes.

"You have a dog to assimilate first. Come back in a week or so."

"I will." Garrus said.

She shook her head once more, "Well, if I'm working, I'll see you then. If not, thanks for taking care of Sheba."

He nodded and took the leash out of his pocket. Sheba let him put it on, though she seemed a bit miffed about it. Garrus just assumed the dog thought she was above leashes. Garrus shrugged and she seemed to understand.

He grabbed his scarf and walked out, the little bell above the door chiming behind him.

"If she lets me, I might marry that girl." He told the dog.

…

He came back in exactly one week. He was disappointed when he saw a man behind the reception desk. The man looked at him, and smiled. Garrus knew he looked like a dog person. He was. But he had a great dog. Right now, he was here for a girl.

"Hi, can I help you?" The young man asked.

"Uhm, yeah. Is Shepard here?"

The young man looked back into the kennel, a gentle and slightly sickening smile on his face. Garrus figured the guy didn't work here for the dogs.

"Shepard!" He called.

The young woman came out, a wrinkly dog in her arms. She was grinning.

"Here to pick up another stray?" She asked.

"Only if you've got no place to go." Garrus teased. The young man's face faded instantly. He tried to keep it cordial, though.

"I'm still working." She said. The puppy licked her face. She made faces at it and played with its wrinkles. Garrus laughed.

"Go ahead, Shepard. I've got it."

Shepard looked a little hurt. She pulled the puppy closer. Garrus saw why she wanted to stay. She couldn't have dogs.

"Kaiden, I-"

"Take it with you." He said.

She kissed his cheek, "You're the greatest."

Garrus nearly dragged Shepard out. She didn't let the puppy out her arms. The door closed behind them quietly. There was a lot of snow falling.

"We can't go very far." She said. The puppy made itself comfortable in her jacket.

"Okay. There's a pizza place on this block. Does that count?"

"I suppose."

They walked in, and the puppy started whining. It smelled good. Garrus asked for a table, and they were seated almost immediately. The people were familiar with her. And okay with the dog.

"You know them?" Garrus asked. The man behind the counter seemed particularly interested in their table.

"Kind of. That guy? Anderson? As much a father to me as anyone. Takes good care of Ash, Kaiden and me. The woman beside him, her name is Chakwas. She used to be a doctor. They're sweet on each other, but too proud to admit we were right."

"He doesn't like me." Garrus said. That was the general feeling he got from the unfriendly glare.

"He's just not sure why you're here. This is kind of my family's table. He probably thinks I've been hiding you as a secret boyfriend."

"Ah. What kind of pizza do you want?"

"Are you alright with pepperoni?"

Garrus nodded his head. It wouldn't have mattered. Anderson placed the pizza on their table only seconds later. Garrus had a feeling Shepard always ate pepperoni. Anderson hung around for a few moments, but Shepard silently told him to move along.

"I feel like you'll have to walk me out. Otherwise they'll find my finger in one of these pizzas." He said quietly.

She laughed loudly. Her hands flew to her mouth. Garrus smiled. It had been a cute laugh while it lasted.

"Why do you work at the shelter?" He asked after a few moments silence. The puppy had reached for her pizza, reminding him.

"Well, I really want to head off to the Marines when I get out of college. But my dad, well, Anderson, doesn't want me too. I want to help someone. Anyone, really. By matching up people with animals, I guess it's my way of surrendering the Marines."

"You're giving it up?" He asked.

"I can help here. I can fight for the animals here. Fight for the lost." She seemed to be speaking to the dog. It licked her lips, and she grinned. For a moment, Garrus wasn't sure what to say. It was a noble goal to be sure.

"I know it seems silly. Most people don't think animals as people, just like them. They have feelings, need love. Is it so hard to give it to them?" She asked absently. She leaned her head on the dogs.

"You really care about the animals. I'm sorry you can't save all of them."

"Me too. I should get back. They might be eating Kaiden by now. Don't worry about the pizza." She said. She stood and Garrus rose with her. He pushed in her chair behind her and took the trey back to the counter. Anderson watched him through slitted eyes.

"I'd... like to pay for that. It's rude of me to invite her here then-"

"Just leave." Anderson said, sighing.

"I can't, sir, that's-"

"Alright, you passed. I still don't like it." He said gruffly.

Garrus looked back at the door. Shepard was waiting for him. She grinned when she noticed that he was looking for her. He pulled five dollars out of his wallet and left it on the counter. He joined her and they walked out in the fluffy snow.

"So, do I get your name?" He asked.

"How about a nickname?" She asked.

"Anything."

"My friends call me-" She opened the door.

"Hey, Moo." The young man said. Garrus smiled.

"Moo?"

"Yes. Moo. Now get it out of your system." Shepard said. She braced herself and handed the puppy off to Kaiden.

"Nah, it's good." He said, "Thanks for the time. Hope to see you soon, Moo."

"It sounds so...icky when you say it."

"Hope to see you soon, Shepard." Garrus corrected. She smiled and nodded.

When Garrus got home, Sheba was waiting for him.

"She fought for you, as hard as she could. I hope one day someone fights for her."

Sheba didn't say anything- of course- but she nudged Garrus. She licked him and he petted her fur.

"Alright. Alright. Well, you convinced me. I'll fight for her. Together, we'll find her place."

Sheba jumped and ran to the door.

* * *

A/N:

Okay, PSA time. _Please _remember to spay and neuter your pets. There are many animals without a home, and you don't need to be responsible for more. By adopting, you not only improve your life, but the life of an animal who would otherwise go without the basic needs of life. Please and thank you for listening to my drabbles.

Aside from that.

Love you all.

Sorry it took so long to get this out. I kind of devoted a lot of time to my ATLA story "Blood Benders." But I got a few of these written, so here's one. Hope you enjoyed.


	10. 086: Picking Up the Pieces

Shades of Me

86

Picking up the Pieces

The speech she gave brought tears to a few of the crew. Her family, who Shepard could not bare to look at, was already in shambles before they arrived. Shepard took no responsibility for their tears, except for, of course, the fact she left Ashley to die.

The shots rang out, each making Shepard jump. When it was over, there was a viewing line though there was nothing to view. Just a picture and some personal items. Shepard wasn't surprised when, after most had left, those who were closest to her were still there. Kaiden, Garrus, Liara. Wrex was there, but he was standing in the back. The ground team and the Williams were there, saving their sweet farewells for last.

Shepard waited until everyone except Kaiden and Garrus, who seemed to be lingering for no reason, left.

She decided it was good enough.

She sat and talked to Ash's empty casket. How things had gone right after Virmire. How, together, they had stopped Saren. She tried not to cry. She was good at blocking emotion, but all of the raw guilt and utter loss ripped her defenses to shreds. A few tears managed to escape her clutches. Shepard hoped they didn't stain her dress blues.

After her shoulders heaved a few times, she felt hands on her. Talons on her right, five digits on her left. Gentle touch, and one of true comfort. She didn't lean to either one. She didn't push them away either.

"What now?" Garrus asked. His voice, though translated, sounded compassionate. Shepard was willing to be he'd lost a few of his men, too.

"We move on." She answered, standing. There was nothing to do.

…

Shepard went down to Ash's station on their way to the citadel. She gathered the small touches of Ash in her trembling hands. Printed pictures, small weapons that weren't Alliance issued. Small knick-knacks that Ash kept around for some reason. Shepard looked at her computer. She still hadn't logged out. With a closed throat, Shepard pressed the necessary buttons. This computer belonged to the gunnery chief, whoever they were. Shepard knew Ash wouldn't want people snooping around in her files.

Shepard went to Ashley's locker next. When she opened it, she wasn't prepared for the emotion. It smelled like Ashley's shampoo. No matter how tomboyish Chief had been, she always smelled nice. Shepard removed the bags, placed Ashley's belongings in them, and slowly emptied the locker.

She spotted a journal underneath a stack of paper. Deciding to be nosy, Shepard flipped to the last few pages.

_Could Kaiden be more obvious? I wonder if the Commander's noticed. If she hasn't, she's blind. If she has, she's a very good actress. Of course, she has always been, hasn't she? That's why they put her in charge. It's why we trust her. Because she can keep us calm, even when she's not. She's our pillar. It sounds corny saying it. But it's true._

Shepard skipped to the last.

_Virmire. Even the planet's name gives me the creeps. I dunno. I just have this bad feeling. Shepard does too. I can tell. She's antsy, jumping at the slightest noise. Maybe it's because Saren might be there. Well, she shouldn't worry so much. She's going to get us all out of there. And, hey, even if she doesn't, she'll still get the job done. I can't imagine what she'd do if she lost one of us. She tries to act tough. Like it doesn't matter to her one way or another, but it's the little things she does that let us all know she cares. Everyone always expects so much out of her. They don't want her emotions getting in the way. She's only human._

_I've noticed. Basically this whole journal is me complaining about how unfair the world is to the people around me. Dammit, I'm a Williams. I should be complaining about other stuff. Like aliens. Even though I know the Commander doesn't like it. I'm still afraid of Wrex, but I trust the others. They like her. They won't damage the mission._

_Ah, she's coming._

Shepard sighed. Ash had forever been watching out for her. Trying to give her a relief as often as posisble. Girls nights out and such. Ash had been worried about Shepard. And now, Ash was gone. She threw the journal into Ashley's bag and zipped it up. She slammed the locker shut and headed up to the bridge.

"Commander?" Garrus asked as he entered the elevator with her.

"Yeah?" She asked gruffly.

"What were you doing?"

"About to send her stuff home. Picking up the pieces, so to speak." The doors closed and the three and half minute ride began.

"When we dock..." He said awkwardly.

"Garrus, if you go for it, I'm behind you a hundred percent. Go be a spectre. You'll be the best yet."

"You are making a joke."

"Nope. I hope we meet again." She said. They didn't speak again. Shepard, once docked, mailed Ash's bag home, and hoped that it would mean something to the family. She'd done all she could. All that was left was to keep moving.


End file.
